nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
