I cannot find my penis.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
