...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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