Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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