JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
