You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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