I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
