Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
