My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
