she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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