We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
