If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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