I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
