I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
