all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
