You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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