:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
