Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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