and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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