i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
