Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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