just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
