I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
