I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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