I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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