We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Use "feeling words"
Yay
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
