got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
smell my finger.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
