Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
