that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
