Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
