also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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