I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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