Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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