My nipple is on Facebook.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
