Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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