Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
