What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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