mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
