Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
