white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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