You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
