I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
