Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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