I feel great
I just peed on a car
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
