I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
