YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is her dick bigger than yours?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
