if you like me you must not know who I am
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
