im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
