It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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