What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Alive.
So much puke
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I came so hard my ears popped.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
