My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
