So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
