So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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