Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
