She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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