Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
