she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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