is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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