I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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