It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
PANTIES FOUND
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
