I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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