So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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