come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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