If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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