everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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