it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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