dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
