You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
