and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
