I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
