I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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