Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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